


My R

by HappyKonny



Category: Youtube RPF, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Depressed Mark, Gen, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Sad, Suicide Attempt, friends are the best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 19:59:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10578450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyKonny/pseuds/HappyKonny
Summary: His life couldn't get any worse. So why continue it? Why couldn't he just end it all?Every time he went to the rooftop, there was someone there before him. And every time he stopped them.But would someone be there for him, once it was only him on the roof?When it was him on the other side of the railing?When he was finally freeing himself from the hate and abuse?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Song this was based upon: My R (わたしのアール) by Kurage-P

It was dark. The lights were barely functioning, illuminating the stairs Mark was going up. His raven black hair hang in his face, his brown eyes on the ground, gaze empty. Going to the roof of the apartment building he lived in, to finally end it all. The pain and suffering he lived through every day in his life, at home, in school, on the internet. Wherever he went, wherever he was, someone or something had it out for him, to make his life harder than it already was. He got no time to rest.

Opening the door to the outside, the light of the sunset was almost blinding from the darkness of the staircase. He let his eyes adjust, stepping outside and letting the door fall closed behind him. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He was really about to do it. He had never thought he’d actually go this far, but there seemed to be no other solution.

Walking over to the railing, he spotted someone else. It was a boy, blonde and tall, with a more pale skin. He was on the other side of the railing, like he was about to jump to his death.  
Something in Mark made him act, despite what he wanted to do himself, and he reached out to the boy, calling out. “Hey, don’t do it, please!”.  
The guy was startled, but turned around, holding with one hand onto the railing. His blue eyes met Mark’s brown ones, the surprise melting into sadness.

The words had just slipped out of his mouth before he had even a chance to think about it. But it didn’t matter either way, Mark was just pissed that someone got here ahead of him. That was all, right?Letting out a breath, he calmed himself down. Even though he wanted to die, he didn’t want anyone else to kill themselves. Not really, at least.  
“What’s wrong?”, he asked the guy, noting the stubble of a beard the other had. The guy sighed and looked out to the sky again.  
“You’ve probably heard it all before”, he started, sounding like he almost didn’t believe himself. “I thought we were meant for each other. I just really wanted her to like me back.”.

Was he kidding Mark?! What nerve did this guy have, to come up here for such a tame reason!  
“You’re upset because you can’t have what you want?”, Mark asked, the anger audible in his voice. He tried to keep it out of his voice though, but it wasn’t easy. “You’re lucky enough that you’ve never had anything stolen from you!”, Mark exclaimed, clenching his hands tightly into fists.  
He had fallen in love before. He had confessed his love to the girl of his dreams, the one he thought he could be together forever, be happy with. He had been in a relationship with her. Until another guy came and took her away from him, and she let it happen, like Mark didn’t matter to her at all.

“I’m sorry”, the guy said and turned to look at Mark, a frown coming to his face as he saw the tears in his eyes. “I feel better now that I told someone”, he climbed back over the railing and went to Mark, who let his gaze rest on the ground now, letting his fists uncurl again.  
“Thanks bro”, he told Mark with a smile, a hand on his shoulder, before he disappeared, leaving Mark alone on the rooftop. The sun set and the night took over, the moon bright in the sky, the stars sparkling.

.

“All right, I’m gonna do it today”, Mark thought to himself, as he once again climbed up the stairs to the rooftop. A few days had passed since the last time he had been up here, surely no one could be up here again!  
But as he stepped out into the sunset once more, he spotted a guy sitting on the railing, feet dangling over the edge, where he’d fall to his death if he wasn’t careful. And just like there was again someone here who wanted to kill themselves, Mark again reached out to the person, calling out.

The guy looked at Mark, his green hair messy on top of his head, sky blue eyes filled with sadness. They both were quiet for a while, before he talked to Mark.  
“Everyone ignores me. Everything’s stolen from me. I don’ belong anywhere”, he said. His voice carried an accent with it, which Mark couldn’t place. He wasn’t from here then, Mark decided, so he got bullied in school because of it?

He had to be kidding! To come to the roof because of such a tame reason!  
“Despite all that, you’re still loved at home, and there’s always dinner waiting for you, right?”, Mark argued, looking at the guy with an almost desperate, sad, but hard gaze. He himself couldn’t say that it was true for him. Coming home was the worst experience, and there would probably be no one there who cared if he was there or not.  
“Yer right”, the other said, looking at Mark. His eyes were glistening with tears and he turned his body around, slipping off the railing and landing on the safe side. “’m hungry”, he laughed softly, a tear running over his cheek, as he disappeared, leaving Mark alone on the rooftop, to witness the sun setting by himself once more.

.

This happened for a few weeks. Every few days, Mark would go up to the rooftop, just to have someone else being there before him. And every time, he would call out to them, ask them not to do it, and talk them out of killing themselves. And while he did that, helping anyone he met up there, he knew no one would stop him if he were to stand on the other side of the railing.

As he again stepped out onto the rooftop, he wasn’t even surprised to see someone standing there again. His hair was messy and a dark blonde, or maybe was it brown? He looked to the ground, his toes already peaking over the edge. There wasn’t much missing for him to fall.  
“I came here, hoping to erase the bruises forming every time I go home”, he said, knowing Mark was there -he had probably heard him walk over the otherwise quiet rooftop.

The words left Mark’s lips without him thinking about it, it shouldn’t matter to him anyways. But he ended up saying it, something he himself didn’t quite believe in: “Hey, just, don’t do it”.

What should he do?! He couldn’t stop this guy! He didn’t have any _right_  to stop him. But even so, he wished he would just go away, it was too painful for Mark to even look at him. He had the same problem as Mark, and it hurt too much for him to bear.  
“I won’t do it today, then”, the rather deep and smooth voice said, and Mark felt a hand on his shoulder. The guy squeezed it softly, like a reassurance that it would be okay, that he shouldn’t do it either, before disappearing, like everyone before him.

Mark fell to his knees, letting out a sob. He couldn’t bear this anymore! How come everyone he met up here, he was able to make turn away from the edge? How was he able to help them all, no matter the problem, but he himself felt so empty, so broken?  
Hugging his knees close to his chest, he sobbed into his knees, wishing for the world to just forget about him and leave him alone. He didn’t want to live like this anymore, he didn’t want to live at all anymore.

.

Today was the day. When Mark stepped onto the rooftop, no one was there, no where he could see. It was just himself, no one there to get in his way. No one who would get in his way for him.  
Walking to the railing, he easily climbed over it. He didn’t even look down, instead letting his eyes rest on the sunset. The beautiful reds and oranges illuminated his face, reflecting in his eyes, which gaze were empty and sad.  
He could finally end this all. He wouldn’t have to go back home, he wouldn’t have to live through more abuse, through more bullying, through more hate. Finally he could find rest and freedom from all of this.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could feel the wind push around his hair, he could feel the last of the sun’s warm rays on his face. He was ready, and he knew no one would be there to stop him.  
So he let himself fall.

“Woah!”, someone exclaimed, and Mark felt someone holding tightly onto his wrist, his feet dangling in the air. His eyes were wide as he looked up, to see who had caught him, had stopped him from falling to his death. And his eyes met the ones of a green-haired guy, blue like the sky. And they were soon joined by another pair of blue eyes and a mop of blonde hair, the guy reaching out and also grabbing onto Mark. And then there was the last guy, eyes hidden behind glasses, which reflected the light of the sun.  
All three of them held onto Mark and pulled him up, and once Mark’s feet touched the ground again, they practically pulled him over the railing and enveloped him in a hug. Mark was stunned, frozen in place. Someone... these guys he had helped... cared?

Tears gathered in his eyes and soon he was sobbing, holding onto the guy in front of him tightly. He held him against his chest, hushing him quietly. But his voice told Mark that he was crying as well, though he couldn’t imagine why.  
Only when Mark had calmed down again and took a step back, he saw that the three guys all were teary eyed and had shed some tears, but they were smiling softly.  
“It’s okay”.  
“We’re here for you now”.  
“You’re not alone”.  
It brought new tears to Mark’s eyes, and he rubbed at them with his sleeves. He sniffed, laughing softly through his tears, nodding his head.  
“You’re right. Thanks, guys”, he said, looking up to the three again with a smile.

Someone cared for him. Just like he had cared for these strangers before, stopping them from killing themselves, they had cared for him and had stopped _him_.  
Maybe, just maybe, he _could_  live in this world. Maybe he could have some people who cared about him, who would be a strong shoulder for him. Maybe, these guys could be the friends that would help him stay alive in this world.

**Author's Note:**

> So I read a snippet of a fic of this song that was referenced and I  
> I needed to write this then, because goddamn I love the song and this is  
> This is just something. I really like it


End file.
